makcik speaker.

Meet Lye or yeah, Intan Munirah, the coolest cousin on earth. We grew up together,


Mandi bogel sama, cari spider sama, baling selipar, tengteng, bersihkan kubur arwah nenek dengan arwah atuk sama, basuh pinggan whenever ada kenduri sama, tidur sama, kira bintang glow in the dark dalam bilik dia sama.


And many more.


I can't stop laughing whenever Lye is around. Like hysterically laughing at mostly nothing.


This video shows that we are constantly wasted though we are completely sober. This was done while we were waiting for another cousin to finish his shift. He is the one at the back I shouted "Diam!" at.




Don't blame us for the song, we all have the rock kapak wave inside us. Kan? Tapi aku macam tak berapa hafal sangat lagu ni, buat buat hafal sebagai sokongan. Babi muka aku macam layan teruk. Haha.



And, do not leave us with boredom, because boredom itself can't stand us.





Really don't want July to come, because by that time, she'll be gone to Shah Alam and I'll stuck here on my own.

ENTRI LUCAH

Balik dari Batu Pahat, pergi The Curve jumpa Kak Faiz, lepastu terus shoot balik Nakhoda. Lye dengan Ain ada. Lepak dalam dua minit, diorang ajak pergi butik pengantin.


Ain nak tunang bulan depan. Gatal.


So pergi survey lah baju tunang dia. Lepas satu satu kedai pergi. Habis round satu Gombak. Tapi sebab masing masing bodoh, jam 9 malam baru nak pergi pilih baju pengantin, sah-sah lah kedai dah tutup. Dah penat main jerit jerit dalam kereta, (Ambil nota, sepupu aku memang jenis bangsa pekak semua, so cakap memang kena jerit. Main maki-maki apatah lagi.) Ain cakap,


"Dah la, jom pergi makan, lapar ah, aku belanja."



Dengan riang gembiranya aku dengan Lye mencadangkan nak makan itu ini.






Cerita best bermula di sini. Dalam perjalanan nak pergi makan, soseh soseh lah bila Ain nikah sanding semua segala, aku dengan Lye nak jadi dayang lah apa lah.

Gila babi berangan nak jadi dayang. Aku princess lah!




Tiba-tiba keluar topik pasal first night. Wah, Lye yang paling pandai (Nota sekali lagi, umur Ain 24 tahun, aku 23 tahun dan Lye 22 tahun, so clearly Lye paling muda, tapi dia paling pandai sekali), banyak cadangan dia. Pakai lingerie yang macam jaring lah, pakai baju PLKN sekali dengan boots sebab dia kata kalau lagi susah nak bukak lagi bagus lah, kena bagi salam sebelum nak bermukah lah, tepuk mana patut lah. Dia kata dia tau ni semua dari buku, tajuk dia "Permata yang Hilang".


I was like, apa signifikasi pelajaran tentang hubungan intim suami isteri dengan tajuk buku "Permata Yang Hilang"? Apa yang hilang sebenarnya?


Pening ah fikir tajuk dia tu. Dari tadi lagi aku perah otak.


Paling lawak, teruk punya lawak,

Baru nak masuk topik first night, soalan first Lye dekat Ain,


"doggy kau tau tak? tau tak doggy cemana?"


KEHEPAHALAHA HOHOTAKHAK.







Aku tetap dengan pendirian, first night pakai costume nurse lah wessssss. Aha, kinky.

Love story = hek eleh.

Perempuan mana yang tak kalau tengok love story, lepastu cerita dia macam menyentuh hati, and then diorang akan jadi macam, "Awwwh, sweet gila cerita ni." ataupun, "Aaaaaa, sedih lah cerita ni.". Aku pun macam tu.


Tapi aku senang sangat nak terinspired dengan love story, even love songs. Sumpah aku rasa macam entahapehape. Kadang-kadang aku rasa macam aku jiwang tak bertempat. Lepastu selalu create cerita cinta untuk diri sendiri punya. Lepastu nak watak lelaki hensem, kaya ada kereta, kerja besar je. Tipikal nak mampus.



Orang cakap tak salah berangan. Tapi kalau berangan hasil takde, tak guna jugak, ye dak?


Tapi sebenarnya aku lagi terinspired dengan bitterness, hardships, hati yang tengah down dan frustration. Because I believe those things yang buat aku rasa kuat sangat. Yang buat aku jadi vain nak mampus. Yang buat ego aku menjulang.


Jadi itu lah masalah aku, aku manusia yang sangat sangat difficult. Memang betul dalam dunia lagi berjuta orang yang lagi susah dari aku, lagi banyak kena dugaan yang teruk teruk sampai rasa nak sembunyi bawah sink dapur.



Tapi after all, bukan tanak rasa bersyukur setakat ini je susah yang aku dapat, tapi aku tak boleh rasa susah yang kau rasa, dan tentu tentunya kau tak boleh rasa apa yang aku rasa.




Macamtu lah circle dia.




Sebab itu aku tidak pernah minta orang faham keadaan aku. Sebab itu semua buang masa. Aku pun belum tentu faham keadaan sesiapa.





For now I have lost my muse, aku pun tak tahu nak rasa apa sebenarnya.



Semak.

half of eyelids right on the eyeballs.

Quoting someone's saying, "The world does not revolve around you."






Yes, I believe it doesn't.
And now I believe the sky actually has its own limit. I no longer can see the view of yours.










On my way back to reality.

Terima kasih

Maka meraunglah hati aku apabila membaca Surah Al-Imran ayat 139 yang dikongsikan oleh seorang kenalan.









Aku malu, sumpah aku malu.

Pinggang Jahat

Makcik Urut: "Peranakan jatuh sangat ni. Silap silap tak boleh mengandung."

Doktor: "You know the consequence of it, you cant get pregnant."




Living this life, I cant stop every good and bad of it. At this point, I cant stop things from happening. And it is good to know, I dont have to worry about having life partner, let alone to get married. Because it is useless.
Because I cant, or at least might not get pregnant. So love, crush thingy, companionship are totally pointless.






Suprisingly, I am cool with that. But yeah, there's always a little pain behind every cool reaction. But to say, frustration is my evil twin. There are still hopes, but I actually dont care. So I am totally fine with it.


But of course, if it is really true, knowing that I cannot give grandchildren to my parents is a bit, haih. You would know how it feels.






What I wont lose is, my faith to God.

Yeah, to God.

Remember the days when you just want to curl up and cry? I am now in that valley of frustration over nothing. Yeah, it is actually nothing I am frustrated about. But, it is here.
It is nothing. It is empty. It is like looking at random faces, or a blank page, and it left you with endless nothingness. My days are usually filled with laughs and thoughts, but yeah, I no longer feel anything. So tonight, I have decided to put on my red lipstick and curl up in my unwashed comforter and stream my tears down. I'll force it. I will.





And God, I need to talk to you. I know it is a sign, as whenever I feel this, it is a sign that I am far from you. Please do not judge me. I just want to wake up in the morning with a smile you have put on my face. Please please please.

mati akal

tukang tampar dan mangsa tamparan.

nothing to say this time, but when you are frustrated and excited at the same time, you will get a new feeling, FUCKSITED. Yes, FUCKSITED it is.

and that is no fun with that.

Ahad jahat.

Hari Ahad adalah biasanya hari dimana kalau boleh aku mahu buat semua benda tetapi sudahnya diakhiri dengan tidak berbuat apa. Seperti mana juga hari ini, langsung tidak bergerak dari comforter yang hanya akan dilipat apabila aku mahu keluar, stalk blog orang lepas satu satu.

Sheima tidak ada, ada car club gathering di Sepang F1 Circuit. Kali ini tidak ikut, kerana aku tidak ada mood untuk berpanas-panasan. Tetapi sudah wave bye bye dan wish "have fun" dengan mata separuh tutup dekat dia pagi tadi. Juga telah cakap bye bye dekat Yen yang pergi mengajar kelas tambahan membantu anak bangsa di Damansara pukul berapa ntah tadi.

Selepas itu aku bangun dan bergolek tanpa berbuat apa-apa, Lye telefon on the way balik dari OU dan mengajak bermain bowling dengan Daughter dan Abang Aish. Aku malas dan tak reti main! Cis, berani betul mereka bertiga ini.

Sebenarnya entri ini mahu beritahu apa yang sangat sangat sangat dimahukan aku pada waktu dan ketika ini.

1. Pecal ayam Wong Jowo. Tolonglah, dadah jenis apa kakak itu taruk dalam pecal ayam tu pun aku tak tahu. Last pergi minggu lepas masa sakit pinggang, pecal ayam dah habis, tinggal pecal bebek je, sedap tapi tak sepuas pecal ayam.

2. Pantai. Nak main air di kawasan yang landai, tanak berbatu batu macam air terjun. Baring dekat gigi air sampai pandang langit. Hoi seronok lah seronok, jom la pleaseeeee PD je pun takpe. Bila? Okay, set. Aku siap sekarang!

3. Biskut raya. Yang apetah tu nama dia, yang putih putih salut dengan gula halus, alahai, apa nama dia aku lupa. yang kecil bulat-bulat tu. Sedap kunyah masa duduk sorang sorang dekat rumah.

4. Sebuah sangkar. Untuk dua orang anak yang super hyper active main lari sana lari sini siap lompat atas muka aku. Sekarang ini dah pandai tampar muka Rudy. Biar malam malam duduk dalam sangkar. Senang sikit.






Hidup ini tak payah nak produktif selalu sangat, duduk depan computer stalk apa patut, dah cukup mampu buat kau huru hara, bosan dan lapar sepanjang hari.





Random: by minggu depan takde siapa yang nak bagi aku kerja or panggil interview ke apa semua, aku resign dari jadi diri sendiri!

eheh.

What is the price?
What is the prize?
What a surprise.


Some people might not like me, because I am a vocal person, I give comments without giving a damn whether people want to hear it or not.

Some people might not like me, because I curse a lot, I curse people even in my jokes, and "babi", "kimak", "pundek" and "sial" are just like candy.

Some people might not like me, because I talk trash, I laugh hard to pervert jokes with my girlfriends and middle class jokes with my boyfriends.

Some people might not like me, because I am pessimist, I first talk about negativity and later come out with positivity of particular topic.

Some people might not like me, because I am trashy all by myself, horrible hair and stupid clothes.

Some people might not like me, because I smoke like horse, I smoke in front of pakciks and makciks and smile to them when they smirk at me.





It is all fine, seriously. Somehow I enjoy it when people don't like me at all. I don't want to be accepted by all, I just want certain people to be in my life. The rest, I could care less.




But,
Don't treat me like I know nothing about this world at all. Don't go and do faces when you are in front of me. Don't give hints, either politely or impolitely. If you don't like anything about me, say it straight to my face. I am cool enough to hear your vicious words.





Do not kid me. Don't play around. Because I'll play along.

Don't mess.

For all I care, you can just leave.
Yeah, really.


I don't like bad vibes.
If you think I don't give enough, so just fuck off.
I have faced worst, and I have seen worst.


You've got issue with yourself, don't drag me.
You're sad because your life is too miserable, don't share it with me.

I only stick to people who need me, not people who think I am useless to be with.



I don't need you to kutip me.
I am on my own.


Anger and frustration can lead to destruction, channel it to the right way. Not to me. Seriously.

nak carik kayu, nak carik kayu.

"Kenapa lu yang nak carik kerja, tapi gue yang tolong emailkan semua resume lu?" - Lye

Dah dua hari, kerja aku dengan Lye adalah browse kerja-kerja yang available, and email cover letter yang mengandungi perkataan manis manis serta resume dengan harapan ada yang sangkut. InsyaAllah. Antaranya,

Human Resource Exec. (wah, bunyi exec macam sedap je dekat telinga aku kan.)
Editor or Sub-Editor. (taknak kalah)
Translator. (aku rasa nak cuba translate dari Arab ke English/Malay tapi dapat rasakan itu semua hanya mimpi)
Copywriter. (berangan padahal qualification aku sipi sipi je.)

Dan, yang tidak boleh tahan,

LECTURER.

Aku dah dapat bayangkan keadaan di mana murid murid semua akan musnah masa hadapan mereka jika aku jadi cikgu/pensyarah.

Perangai sendiri dah habis bersepah, ini lagi nak ajar budak.

Oh, Lye lagi yakin, suruh jadi deejay. Kepala hotak dia.



Bukan apa, dah mula bosan duduk rumah.

buah hati Kak Maria.

A: alamak. kakak , syafa ni macam wrestler WWF je . bengis + rambut macam tu.

Please take note that A is a retard. Literally retarded retard.
It may sounds funny to you, asshole, but please, duhh.

Again, please don't drop comments like this, on my fucking wall. Or anybody's wall. I don't know you enough to joke around with you.

If you want to be fucking insensitive, be like that to your friends, or your family, not me. Because I don't like you. The world wasn't go around you, buddy. And the fact that you yourself are ugly enough to comment on my physical looks, really makes me laugh.

Really, do we know each other?





And sorry to people who are related to this fucktard,
I am difficult enough to enjoy this kind of humiliation.

TQS2000M

One candidate was asked to come back later when he already hafal the surahs. And I only managed to get 5 over 20 because I wasn't given that chance. I mean it is not my fault because I asked people in deputy dean's office before if the memorization is included in the resit examination and they said NO. At least if they said yes, at the very least, I must have myself prepared for that. Biasness and carelessness, thank you.

The way the examiner, yeah, the Ustaz looked at me as if I am a pagan. As if I can't read the Quran at all. As if I have no religious basic at all. Yes, I admit, I can't recite the Quran perfectly, but not to the extend where I don't know how those huruf sound, where should I put the nasalization in my reading and all that.

Looking at the bright side, failing this is good because yeah you know why. But in my condition, I am jobless, penniless because of this. And I can't afford to waste another two months, and money to pay the fee. Please God, I am talking to you, let me pass this subject.

I still cannot believe how stressful Tilawah AlQuran can be. It is supposed to be fun, kan?

I am frustrated, to the core.

pkmk

biar aku tutup mulut, bisu sampai mampus.


biar aku tutup mata, buta sampai mampus.


biar aku tutup telinga, pekak sampai mampus.

kacau orang salah,
tak kacau orang pun salah.
duduk diam-diam pun kena jugak.


kau memang babi.

ni semua salah tingkat empat!

Semalaman aku tak boleh tidur, selang lima minit mesti tukar posisi, kuak lentang, gaya kupu-kupu malam, suster ngesot, bayi dalam kandungan, semua nya lah aku try, tak reda reda jugak sakit pinggang.

Sakit ouh, sakit gila.

Pagi tadi, tak tahan, text Mumu,

"Mu, tolong bawak aku pergi klinik, nak mati dah rasanya ni."

"Okay, aku tunggu Yen habis kelas kejap, japgi aku datang."

Oh, tak lama lepastu Kak Faiz text,

"Kalau Mumu bz, aku boleh datang tolong anta."

Ya Allah, gila sweet.

Okay lah, pergi klinik Mumu ambil. Sikit punya lama tunggu dekat klinik, aku dengan berbekalkan bantal MAS hadiah dari MCWD sempena pencurian beliau, dah macam kucing nak beranak. Pusing kiri, pusing kanan.

"Syafawati Khairunnisa, sila masuk bilik satu."

Dengan longlai aku menuju ke bilik rawatan, bantal di tangan, masuk masuk doktor gelak,

"Ni apa berbantal bagai ni?"

Bla bla bla dengan doktor, tiba tiba dia suruh aku tiarap.

Satu kali dia tekan,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, Doktor sakitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!"

Tekan lagi,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Doktor gelak-gelak. Dan situasi ini berlangsung dalam dua minit.

"Okay saya kasi ubat bla bla bla, pergi la buat MRI mana tau ada fracture mana mana sebab awak kata pernah accident dulu kan?"

Ah sudah.

"Ooh, okay InsyaAllah."

"Nak ubat ke, nak injection?"

"UBAT!"

Bla bla bla lagi, aku keluar.

SAMBIL TUTUP MUKA DENGAN BANTAL.

Orang keliling memandang dengan keji.

Mumu dengan Yen dah senyum senyum. Untuk cover malu, aku cakap,

"Mu, mesti bila dengar aku jerit dekat dalam bilik tu, mesti kau rasa nak selamatkan aku sebab kau fikir doktor tu rogol aku kan?"

"Tak lah, aku siap kejut Yen sebab nak ajak gelak sekali."

Di dispensary, pinggang aku hampir patah bila mendengarkan harga ubat 62 ringgit. Haih, harga diri pun tak semahal tu.

Anak-anak Ibu, hari ini hari apa?

Dalam satu hari, keadaan ini hanya boleh dilihat mungkin dalam dua tiga kali sahaja. Ini kerana hari kucing aku dipenuhi dengan aktiviti lasak seperti memanjat langsir, lumba lari saringan adik beradik, pertandingan siapa dapat cakar tikar tanpa kena jentik dia yang menang, game kunyah telinga dan rambut tuan , pertandingan siapa dapat melepaskan diri selepas pijak laptop Mama Yen dia menang dan pelbagai lagi.

Tidur nak atas comforter aje, melampau.

Rumah aku huru hara, sumpah huru hara, tetapi, datang ahli baru, Sheima bawak dari rumah.



Jeng jeng jeng, RUDY. Rudy dah besar, dulu kecil je, dan aku harap Jijan Buddin dan Apis Jamal dapat berbaik-baik dengan Mat Saleh yang bernama Rudy ini.


Dengan ini, aku ucapkan Selamat Hari Ibu kepada diri sendiri, kerana sudah mempunyai tiga orang anak tanpa perlu bersuami.

adab menegur

Stranger: "Nak jadi apa ni? Nama sedap tapi baju gagal."

Syapa: "Susah hati ke?"

Stranger: "Mau nye idak saket mate teman, pape pun teman paham.. bla bla bla"


Okay, lets talk about adab tegur menegur between us human being.
As one girl raised with Malay norms, I am fine with hints, teguran, and advices from older people. But somehow I believe everything should be done appropriately.

There is nothing wrong with people, telling other people about where should people lead their life to. But using the right approach would really be helpful. And I believe it is affective. Looking at exhibit A above,

Yeah, it helps. Not. And I can't stop myself from laughing at certain ntahapehape-ness of grown up adults.

Anonymous-es

I feel sorry for those anonymous-es, haih. People, don't go put random comments when you know nothing about the issue.


The reason of some people make their own blog is because they want to release their thoughts, their feelings, their anger and bla bla bla. And yes, comment box is made for people to drop their comments pertaining to the issue that is being talked about,


But please, you can go and criticize other people, but do tell those people who you are. Life is unfair, but don't be unfair to yourself.


Because, yeah, I shall not explain, you yourself know why.



And, a cock finger for you! :)

my kucings can be another distraction, kan?

I had funny conversation with Miss Psychologist last night. From Home Alone, to serious mode, to Maria Ozawa, we talked about things and this girl, she calms people very very fast. It takes me only a blink of eyes to realize that I should not worry or even care about things that are happening around me.

Yeah, it is about distraction.

When you're about to enter the valley of confusion, or the valley of what-the-hell-is-happening-here-I-don't-understand?, do find something else that can distract yourself from messing your head.

At least, at this moment, it works for me as I hell cannot handle any conflict, whether it is between me and other people, or between me and myself.


So, okay, I am taking all positively now, because life is about making choices, my favorite quote there.

People don't please you all the time. So do the same.

Saw something interesting this morning, so I am going to let my blog open, again. Heh heh heh.
And oh, Apis Jamal and Jijan Buddin are getting crazierrrrrrrrrr, I cant even handle them, they are so degil degil degil.

I come to understand,

As much as I respect people for whatsofuckingever they want to be, I demand the same for myself. I am no special, but please know, that we people, breath the same air and later will be buried under the same ground.

I don't give a damn if people want to blame me for being so hard and bitter, I myself have enough shits to handle, let alone to care about anybody else.

Life for me is simple, either you shut the hell up and keep all to yourself, or you die. I owe nothing to people, so it is fine for me if they just want to fuck off, it wont waste me anything.

a note to someone special

We both know the truth, that life isn't sweet at all. Here, these are my words,


I just don't want you to come back home and cry in front of our door just because you think you can't handle shits that are caused by some low life assholes.

And for another party, you should now that being confused, is the lamest excuse on earth.

Love,

It is just, it hurts me to see you in this bad bad condition while all I can do is look at you in the eyes and try to imagine how hard it could be. You know I am all to share your pain, to share your tears, to share the hardest part of your life.

And seeing you sober for these past few days, God knows how happy I am. I am happy enough to let you out with some random guys, watching movies, out for dinner even if it does not mean anything to you, well at least, it is enough to distract you from locking yourself in your room and wet your pillow with tears.

And I am happy enough to be there, to sit next to you just to hear you talk about random things, to hear you laugh over some stupid adult jokes, to squeeze our cats and yell at them when they go wild, to share our ciggies and hear you nag about me finishing my box of 14s for one solid night.

And so I beg you,

Don't go back to him. Because it is not him who wipe your tears, it is us. Because it is not him who force you to eat when you don't want to, it is us. Because it is not him who has straight mind, it is us.


And of all, because it is not him who catch you when you fall in front of our door, it is me. Because I am yours, for the rest of your life.

memondan.

We were screaming and shouting at each other, about Mumu, denying the fact that he someday will fall head over heels for me. Sengaja nak kasi dia mengamuk. Useless but later he came out with one question,

"kenapa korang selalu insecure pasal competition between korang dengan other girls yang hot?"

dah keluar dah soalan Mak Jarah dia.



It is as simple as this, people have their own right to choose what is best for them, and this includes look. And the problem is, (from my personal view) I myself think that what am I offering somehow is not enough. I am three for brain, two and a half for attitude, and zero for looks.

So, all I did was nothing and even have no intention to change myself, in accordance to opposite gender's scheme. Because I am restless. And too many "entah lah" bores me.


Bosan.

drrrrrrrrama.

"There's no point to twist the plot when you know the audiences are clever enough to catch the missing part that is obviously important."

The worst has yet to come.

Akmal + Amer + Fahmi!

A : "Kan syarat akikah, kena tunggu anak tu tumbuh dua batang gigi, kemudian sembelih kambing bla bla."

B : "Yang kena tumbuh gigi tu, baby tu ke, kambing tu ke?"


Soalan paling bingai abad ini.


Sabtu lepas, Amer ajak keluar, siap paksa. Aku malas sebenarnya, ini kerana tidak tidur seharian. Tetapi, Amer cakap, "Pa, jom la lepak, aku ada surprise untuk kau."

Dengarkan surprise tu, aku menjadi cergas secara tiba-tiba. Okay lah, ajak Sheima keluar, jumpa diorang dekat Petronas dekat dengan Hospital Selayang entah apa buat dekat situ aku langsung tak terfikir.

Sampai sampai, aku pergi dekat kereta Akmal, masuk-masuk je, surprise yang diperkatakan adalah, FAHMI!

Whoaaa, dekat setahun tak jumpa dia, aku lompat lompat jerit suka macam beruk, sebab sudah lama tidak jumpa. Rupa-rupanya Fahmi jaga auntie dia sakit dekat hospital itu.

Fahmi sekarang sudah handsome dahsyat. Dan kami melepak macam orang gila di mapley yang suram, tetapi keadaan itu cukup bahagia. Cakap cakap cakap, gelak gelak gelak, seronok!

Dan dialog di atas itu lah, salah satu contoh betapa benaknya otak Akmal yang menjadi bekal untuk aku ketawa sepanjang sesi lepak itu.


Sumpah satu malam tidak cukup!
Dan adik adik kecil ini buat aku lupa betapa susahnya hidup disantak masalah perasaan.

even nak gelak pun rasa sedih. babi.

masa untuk diam.

diam.

diam.

diam.

"Sebab dia buat aku frust, habis aku nak paduk dengan siapa? Stereng kereta Sheima?"
Miya Eddy, via Yahoo Messenger.

mistakes

"We can predict the probability, but never know the outcome."- Sheima, 0416 hours

Not saying that I disagree with this, because the quote had things to do with our conversation. But in MY condition, probability hurts more than the outcome itself. It is how my mind play the game. I didn't say I can foresee my future, it is just, yeah, you know, experience-based things.

You see, I am attached to mistakes, I cant simply decide. It takes a lot for me to put risk on something I know might slit my throat in the end. I am afraid of losing, though I am fine being alone.


And I hate trying. People can say life is not adventurous if you just sit and just watch while other people choose. But the thing is, I cant choose. Because I know myself, I never blame fate, I blame me, for being so yakin to have something that I cant afford. So that is why I'd rather avoid trying, because it is useless.




but looking at another quote,

"Celaka lah kamu kalau hari ini lebih buruk dari hari semalam."

Sumpah makan dalam.




And YOU, haih.