I'm hebbi, you're hebbi, we're hebbi.


Hello, we meet again.

There’s nothing to talk about lately. Apart from how hot Kedah is, I have nothing actually to say. My dissertation stuff is stressing me out. Too little time to finish everything, I totally can die like this.

Oh yes, one thing. I really wish I didn’t grow up. Being a grownup is tiring, really. Responsibilities are clinging onto me. I don’t have anyone to depend on. At the age of almost 26, I can’t depend on my parents, not anymore. I need to settle things up by myself. Yes, I have siblings, but let’s talk about that some other time. Acting like the oldest is yes, tiring too.

                I talked about this to Lye and Lie last two weeks, and they said, “InsyaAllah, Tuhan tunjuk jalan nanti.” So I said to myself, “I need to believe that. I have to believe that.”

                Nevertheless, I’m happy.

I feel happy so many things are going to happen this year. Another loved one is getting married this May. Then I’ll be the only one who wears different colour or pattern whenever we have weddings, because everyone else is married, so they will wear matching clothes.

I feel happy because my young brother is now really an adult; he’s now an independent man. I remember when we’re both in our early years of study period, and we both didn’t have money, so I shared my last ringgit with him, and look at him now, he even paid for everything.

I feel happy I have so many cats back at home. We now have 26 kittens, mummy cats, daddy cats. Mom called me every two days just to update me about them. I can’t wait to squeeze them.

I feel happy strangers even smile at me now. Remember when I said I feel so isolated here, being all alone and so on. Now people even said ‘Hi’ or ‘Bye’ to me spontaneously. It is so weird, but I think it is hilarious.


I feel happy for no reason actually, maybe because I've got over things already.






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