A headlight.

Still don't have time to write updates about Ijat's engagement (malas nak upload gambar sebenarnya), but I am feeling so excited I'm going back to KL tomorrow and prepare for my first trip with best friends to Bandung, I need to write about something.

People, do know this.

Not all can accept us no matter how perfect/good/pretty/fine we think we are.

It's just a rule of nature.

And for that, you might want to change anything you think you're lack of.

But for me, I'll just stay the way I am.

I don't get the idea of following people's idea about us, if you know what I mean.

I just don't.

I mean there's no point making people feel good about me when I don't even feel good about myself.

So it's best to let them with their fucking acceptances, just continue rolling.

Someone, 3 days ago, said something to me. It goes something like this,

"Why don't you put on some makeups, and wear something nice, change the way you look and sure you'll get a boyfriend."

Holy mother of crap.

I believe those guys who don't like me hell because of my appearance, won't change their mind even if I wear makeups like a drag queen. Okay so appearances really matter to some people, but no, I don't want people to like me because the way I dress, because behind the thick layer of my done-face, no one would really see the real me. Cliche, I know. But yeah, cliche is the new rare.

No, just don't change yourself for the sake of the desperation wanting people to see you. It is pathetic. It is fine if people don't like you because the way you look, let alone because of your physical looks, because among them, you'll find people who love you the way you are, you imperfections.

Because nobody is perfect. Like the 'someone' I just mentioned above, sangat cantik, tapi tu lah.

Oh, this is of course not to bad behaviors lah kan. Jangan ingat gua rebel tak menentu hala.

Sneak Peek.

I just got back from Ipoh.

It was hell of a trip I can't wait to write all about it.

It was like a runaway, awesome runaway.

But now,

I have to finish my 7000 words write-up in 10 days I'm so gonna choke myself up to death.

Congratulations, sayang Ijati Jakuan.

From now on, I'm gonna call you Tunang Kentang because I am bitchy like that.

But yelah, you know I love you.

More photos and update in the next post.

(Suka kan kau ada dua posts pasal kau sorang punya tetunangan kan?)

11 more days to see these girls again! Semangat!

Living on quotes, lately.

"On hijab, there are much to learn as well, learning how to dress in a better way, learn to motivate myself and others and learn to raise my faith in Allah, and of course learn to be honest in wearing hijab. This is what I am, I am no longer concerned about self-image, it would only shift and distort the intentions, vision and mission on hijab."

Dhatu Rembulan , Street Hijab.

InsyaAllah.

God knows how far this quote moves me especially the last sentence.

Only God knows.

I'm always in need of more casually serious conversations.

I was chatting with Adik last night early in the morning (how dat, yo?) when suddenly ‘achievement’ popped out in our discussion out of nowhere.

While he said he wants to work hard and save money and enjoy every cent he deserves to spend, I slowly build my own thinking. Well I think everyone thinks like what he is thinking, including me. Who doesn’t want to be rich, you kidding me? But I might want to adjust the word ‘enjoy’ there a little bit.

For me, being rich is one thing, but not everything. I am still fine if I’m not going to be rich for the rest of my life. Not that I am okay with being poor, but you know, I’m fine if I can’t splurge myself with things that are going to cost me fortune. I’m fine with the idea of having enough to live this life just like normal people do. Yes, I just don’t mind not being rich. What I have now, is basically enough.

Of course I get jealous with friends who can get almost everything they want in their life. But no, spending money on something that won’t last a lifetime, that’s just not me. You can ask my friends, I don’t buy expensive things, I don’t eat expensive food, I don’t live a high living standard. Yes, even if I have money to do so.

Clothes that I’m wearing cost me no more than 10 bucks, for heaven’s sake.

I care more about meaning of life. I care more about what I have and others don’t. That sentence sounds really vain, but what I mean is I care about unfortunate people who actually deserve to be happy like me, but they don’t have a chance to feel the same. I care about what is not enough for me, and for them.

Well some people do mock me when I talk about this, but I don’t give a damn because I bet none of them care about simple details in their life while I do acknowledge every tiny little thing happened in my life.

For example, a call for my mother everyday.

Or maybe, an ‘Assalamualaikum’ for a cleaner lady.

Better yet, a smile for everyone I see when I’m on my way to class.

I know not everything matters in our life, but what’s the point living a life if it’s always about us? Being busy looking for something to make a life is important, yes. But why not looking for the sake of doing something to other people around you? And of course, life is not about pleasing others but you’ll get what I mean with the ability to reach self-satisfaction when you do good things for others.

I’m fine with the Adik’s idea just now, don’t get me wrong. But I personally think that I might want to put that idea aside from me myself, and proceed with searching for real meaning of life thing.

I want to do something that is beneficial for me, and also others. I want to give something to people so it can change their life.

I love my life; I want everyone else to feel the same way towards their life, too. And that’s a real achievement. May Allah open a way, InsyaAllah.

Oh yes, I can't wait to go back to KL tomorrow

MY SUPER BEST FRIEND IJATI JAKUAN IS GETTING ENGAGED YEAYYYYYYYYY!

Right when I need it.

"Berimanlah walaupun kita tahu itu susah terjadi, karena dalam hati kita punya sepotong kecil harapan bahwa suatu hari nanti itu akan terjadi."

Arlanda Ghazali Langitan, one of The Changcuters guitarists

Because I really think that life is based on belief you have in yourself,

as well as faith you have in the Person up there.

"...be brave, funny and creative; to be more than just a shell."

Gabrielle Solis, one of the characters in Desperate Housewives

Because I really think that it is okay if no one notices you,

as long as you realize that it is actually what makes you stand out.

These two quotes came in right when I need it.

One right after I followed him on Twitter.

Another one when I was finishing my subtitle translation.

Right when I'm searching for the real connection to prove that life has two sides.

One that is already inside you.

Another one is for you to look out.

Both shoes.

You know what's sad?

There are real things out there,

and you're still stuck with yourself,

you're not enjoying anything,

you're basically not moving.

When someone called and told you about things in their life that are constantly changing, about their ongoing plans and dreams that they have, and you went silent like a stone because you have nothing to talk about.

It is hard to stop them especially when you know that they really need someone to channel their excitement and their happiness to and you don't have a heart to tell them that they failed to make you feel it.

But yeah.

There's always God to talk to.

I have one.

and He is the only One.

Because this One listens. He listens hard.

Jadi begini, Tuhan...

Because I don't have a planner, that's why.

07/12 - Ayah's appointment (HBSA, JB)

17/12 - Ijat's Engagement

24/12 - Presentation : Sociolinguistics

Seminar Reading (Language Attitude)

Seminar Design (One week earlier)

25/12 - Abang's Engagement / Shazzy's Engagement

28/12 - Submission : Research Methodology;

Full Proposal

Final Assessment (Article Critic)

Additional Assessment

29/12 - Submission : Sociolinguistics

Final Assessment (Literature Review)

30/12 - Penang

31/12 - KL

1/1 - Lye's Engagement

24/1 - Anna's first daughter

27/1 - Kakak Awai's Wedding

Well, important dates are important dates.

I can hate you like no one else could.

I really hate it when certain memories come kicking back in.

Especially the ones I always refused to remember.

I know times like this will come around every once in awhile, but you know,

there's really no point.

Because its never gonna change anything.

For you (who shall not be named), I'm fine with you coming back just to check whether I've changed or still like I used to be, a hard headed pathetic young lady. But just so you know, coming back here now means it is you who can't stand not knowing anything about me at all.

So yes, my pleasure.

Through thick and (very) thin.

Yang ada hanya mimpi.

Keluh.