Okay la, I won't put my crush's name up in the title bar.

I just finished talking to my budak kecik, Alyaa.

And our conversation has risen up a question.

Do you dare to tell your crush that you're so into her/him?

Me?

Don't bother to ask. Chicken is my middle name.

Yes, I am afraid of rejection. It hurts like a little bitch.

And I have a very low self esteem.

You see, us Malays especially, we are so afraid of confrontations. And handling situations. I don't know whether its because of customs, or simply we just love to avoid.

A situation, I was really into this one guy, and he didn't know it. So I thought it would be nice if he liked me, too. So I confessed. It turned out the other way, he didn't like me, and has been avoiding me since.

(This is indeed a true story. To that guy; "You son of a bitch.")

Instead of telling me straight to my fugging face, he chose to run away. Very mature of him. But I don't blame him 100% because he might not want to hurt my feelings by saying no, so instead, keeping in silence might be the best way for everyone.

Though I choose to believe he ran away in disgust, told himself he deserved better.

Again. "You son of a bitch."

The thing is, you people should know that avoiding is not a polite right way to say no. Avoiding is like saying stupid things to person who you want to reject such as,

"No, eww, you're so ugly/fat/poor/gross/______ (your own selection of mean words)!"

in silence.

The right thing to do is create a civilized conversations, and tell him/her what you really feel. For example, "It's not that I don't like you, it's just I don't like you the same way you like me, you know." or maybe, "Dude, I have a girlfriend, you'd be better with someone else, not me, because if I two-time, that's not good for any of us, isn't it?" or things like that.

And no, don't give craps like "I don't know, I have to focus on my study." or "I don't think my mum would allow me to have bf/gf." because some excuses are just bullshits.

Reject like an adult, and you'll earn respect from that.

And yes, I'm still terrified of rejection, that horror feelings of people might not like me back just like what I've expected has been in my blood since forever.

I don't tell people that I like them. I'd rather keep it to myself, or to my friends only.

People might say, if I don't tell him that I like him, I might not know if he likes me too.

I don't care, because that, won't happen in 1000 years time.