Okay, so that's random.
I feel like writing. After finishing the whole season 4 of Ugly Betty, again.
You know, I can't remember how does it feel to be in love. Not anymore. I seriously want to experience it again. All I can remember is the butterflies in the stomach and the silly grins. But those apparently are not enough. I forgot about the real feelings of it, the communications, the cute disagreements, the stances, the willingness to consider about another half, and what else I haven't mentioned.
It has been years and I have forgotten almost all about that. When people tell me about their girlfriend or boyfriend, when people update their status about their fiancé or husband or wife, when people celebrating their anniversaries, when people post up their pictures with the loved one, I just sat there, confused. Literally confused for I have failed to remember how good it was to feel that everyday in our life.
It is good to see people around me happy, and a bit jealous because I have yet to feel that, at least not for now. I never blame timing, let alone God, and not even surrounding, but it is certainly overwhelming, and bewildering when people come to me and ask, "Do you have a boyfriend now? No? Girlfriend? No?" It is not yet offensive, but should I be the one to blame for not having a what we called lover?
And this is all happening because something has reminded me about my real age. 24 is no longer an age to act trashy and rebellious. Not really an age to feel okay if you happen to end up being alone. Certainly not an age to feel convinced that one day, there will be a Prince Charming knocking up my door and ask me to marry him.
This is sick. I am not growing up. I instead walking backwards.
I have fallen in love before, but they were all silly crushes and the opposite responses never exist so you know what I mean, it doesn't count. And I feel really stupid for liking certain guys. They got no balls, proven by what they have done.
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