Okay, finally I realize that regardless of being pessimistic towards almost all things around me at this moment, I am actually in a phase of losing interest on everything. In about a month, I’ll face a new me. A new grown-up me, and I dislike that. The rebellion towards this matter leads to anger, seriously. Nothing excites me anymore, except for some other things like you-know-what. Haih.
I don’t hang out, I don’t text messaging, I don’t do laundry, and I lost interest in everything. Fuck. The most important thing is, I am mad at my friends, without knowing why it is happening. This is probably because of this restlessness and selflessness and this illness. This is maybe because I’m going to leave them, and I dislike that.
The moment I say I no longer interested with things around me, I realize that I actually need to stay breathing in this atmosphere. I don’t want to change anything.
I called my mum just now, and I cried over the phone.
She said, "It is time to let some people out of your sight, but hoard their presence in your heart," and tears burst again.
Well, To Whom It May Concern, it is not like I am mad at you guys, as you guys may notice why am I not so myself. It is just I myself can’t bear the fact that I am leaving you in about a month. I am scared. I am scared of losing all of you.
And I need someone to talk to. Like a fortune-teller, or makcik cleaner. Because they are so understanding.
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