How to put this in words?

I am five days late, so the blame is on the stress of not getting it yet. Ini mungkin juga sebab aku jarang sembahyang.

It is all about feelings and I can’t stop myself from whining about it. I’ve been unoccupied for 3 god damn years and don’t see any single chance to change the status. I was in love once in lifetime, and it was stupid, stupid love because I was so devoted, and in the end, the only sentence was, “I’m not ready to have a girlfriend.”

I’m over it now, really over it, girlfriend, not an issue.
The only issue is; I am in the land of loneliness. Well, 3 stupid years without even flirting; and I don’t remember how love feels. And to mention, I am female, an emotional machine. I cannot live only depending on my friends, though they are such laughs. I need a male machine, less emotional, to feed my soul. In this phase of desperation, I was once suggested to do internet dating. Fucking pudding!

I tried to distract myself from keep thinking about this, but my mind wont allowed it to happen.

Hello male machine, I am almost 22, and I don’t want to end my short life without sharing it with you.