The reality behind every perception.

I am not in a position to say this as I myself do the same thing, but...

People talk way too much.
They just love to talk about other people.
Every hurtful and cynical comment that came from their mouth is just, plainly annoying.

I am sick of Twitter, really. Its a place where people whine about other people, and regretfully, I do the same. I think we all should stop doing that. We don't have to criticize every single thing that happened to other people. We don't have to judge people's decisions or actions. That is not an honest opinion, but rather the portrayal of our own stupidity.

If we have one, just keep it to ourselves. If we can't, write it on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle, and keep it. Two years later, read them all back and see how annoying we were for being so nosy.

I hate to see people bashing/condemning other people with or without evidence, especially when things that they talk about have nothing to do with them. Useless critiques really kill, dude.


But yeah, I can't let Twitter go because it is the only medium to talk to my friends and cousins, since I'm not SMS/phone call type of person. I only use phone or SMS to communicate with my mum, dad or kid brother. Or Lye and Ijat, once in awhile.

Gua punya hangin dengan isu pernikahan ni.

Buat yang tak sabar nak tengok gua kahwin, gua persembahkan gambar gua syok sendiri dengan penuh keayuan di atas jinjang pelamin. Halemek.

Satu.

Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, yang nak nikah tu abang gua, bukan gua! Sepuluh kali jumpa, sepuluh kali lah ulang "Yang ini lah yang nak nikah minggu depan tu ye?". Ingat gua takde kerja lain ke selain daripada ulang yang nak kahwin tu abang gua dengan tunang dia? Sekali tanya memang la gua sudi nak senyum lagi tapi kalau sepuluh kali ulang benda yang sama boleh kencing manis gua. Gua bengang la.

Dua.

Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, bila semua orang sekeliling gua kahwin, abang gua kahwin, best friend gua kahwin, sepupu rapat gua kahwin/tunang, tak semestinya gua pun kena kahwin jugak dalam masa terdekat ni. Jangan jangka benda yang tak mungkin dari gua boleh tak? Tak payah la nak main teka-teka bila tarikh gua patut kahwin, Tuhan tahu kot kerja dia, tak payah susah-susah nak tolong atur. Gua bengang la.

Tiga. 

Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, GUA MUDA LAGI LA WOI! 25 tahun tu masih lagi usia nak berseronok yang mana dah kahwin tu dah jodoh dia tak mungkin lah gua sebagai manusia biasa ni nak menghalang ye tak? Nak gua buat pengumuman ke yang gua tak ada rancangan nak nikah? Bayang teman lelaki pun tak mungkin dapat dilihat nak suruh gua kahwin dengan siapa? Kucing gua? Gua bengang la.

Empat.

Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, terima kasih banyak-banyak tapi tak payah carikan jodoh untuk gua. memang betul jodoh tu kena cari tapi sebagai wanita yang berwawasan, gua rasa gua belum terdesak lagi mungkin bila umur gua dah mencecah 35 tahun dan dah cukup kaya dah boleh lah tolong carikan kalau ada yang mahu tapi buat masa ini gua masih dalam zon bertenang lagi, tolong bertenang sama tak boleh ke? Gua bengang la.

Kahwin itu penting, namun belum jatuh di tempat pertama lagi dalam senarai kepentingan. Bukan sombong dengan Tuhan tapi sedar mana letak duduk diri sendiri. Tak payah susah hati tolong fikirkan.

After all, nothing to feel regret about actually.

Should I write about this? No, I shouldn't.

But yes, because I don't have anyone else to talk to about this.

Everyone is little tired of the story of my past.

Today, part of me said that I shouldn't have opened my Facebook.

A little regret, knowing that I myself often get too carried away over unnecessary things.

My then best friend and my only ex-boyfriend got engaged last two days.

The day has arrived.

I kept having this weird feelings when I see the photos. But nope, not negatively.

Maybe because of the history of all this.

Thinking about it, what have I done?

Why did I hate them back then?

What did they do to me, really?

Why did I keep that hatred towards them for years, when all they did was loving each other normally like other people do?

Why can't I let them go and just move on?

These, make me want to knock myself so hard, I should have been more understanding about them dating. I regret myself for being so childish and selfish. And the only people who's losing is me, actually.

If only I could turn back time, I would just endure the pain that eventually will fade away, just like now and keep her as my best friend. It wont be so hard, I guess.

But yes, If I didn't let her go, I won't have the life I have now, I wouldn't have more awesome best friends whom I cannot lose till the day I die. That, somehow is another good side of it that I should not let pass.

And after 4, 5 years, I really hope this is not a useless thing to say. I really hope the day will eventually come and they will live happily as husband and wife.

Congratulations Mimin and Ebi, from the bottom of my heart.

Day 17 - Someone from your childhood

Dear cousins, all three cousins of mine, Lye, Ain and Jijo,

Supposed that I write something for my friends from my childhood, but you know how I traveled during those years, right? From Johor to Terengganu, and to Melaka, and to Kedah, and to Johor back, and yes, those years. So I don't really have a good memory with one single kid who lived in the same era as mine.

But, we shared our childhood together, whenever my family and I went back to Kampung Selayang during school holidays, there you guys were.

So yes, this is for all galah panjang, baling selipar, nyorok-nyorok, spider-hunting, Nama Negeri Buah Binatang Benda, visit to Kedai Abas, Arwah Nenek's grave cleaning, Aiskrim Malaysia, and lots more.

I love you guys to the max. Glad we're still close to each other until now.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa.

Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country.

So basically I don't know anyone from other countries, and I don't see any point writing to my friends who are in Malaysia, because I want to save them for other letters. I do have cousins in Cali and Singapore, but we're not that close, so there's no need to write to them.

But, I'd love to write to my future friends in Indonesia, because I'm weird like that.

Dear random Indonesians,

I am hoping that someday, I'll be able to go to your country. I always love Indonesia, the cultures, the languages, the people. There's something about your country that intrigues me so much. Being part Javanese and part Mandailing, it is cool if I can go there and see my ancestors original cultures and see how they live their life.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 15 - The person you miss the most

Dear Eliyana Bt Ismail,

Chacha posted up a photo with you in it like few days ago.

When I saw it, automatically my tears streamed down, it still feels like yesterday, when we bumped into each other in KLCC, and you were like screaming from the top of escalator, and I was like jumping and we hugged, and we cried a little bit, and we kissed each other's cheeks,

it still feels like yesterday.

It was the last time I saw your pretty face. It was the last time I saw your smile.

This Ramadhan, please visit me in my dream, I'll be waiting for your smile.

Rest in peace, my love.

I'll see you in heaven, InsyaAllah.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 14 - Someone you've drifted away from

Dear a very good friend of mine,

We are drifting away, probably because we don't talk much, probably because we're far from each other now, and probably because we no longer see each other as often as then.

You see, if one day, we are destined to be a pair of 'hi and bye' friends only, have this in mind; you are one of the most awesomest friend I've ever had.

You're the only friend who has the strongest faith in me, who believe I have the ultimate capability to rule my own world, and who would stand for me whenever things go wrong.

And mostly because you're there giving me your best,

and you're still there when I was at my worst.

I'll see you on September the Fifth.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you

I have no idea to whom should I write this, specifically. No, not because I have done nothing wrong to anyone, I did a lot of bad things to people. But it's just that I am ignorant, and egoist like that.

However, I still want to apologize for all of my bad deeds, my wrongdoings, things that I've done that might have hurt you people.

I, with all my heart, am really, truly sorry for all that.

Try to forgive me even though you have no heart to do it, because I was so mean to you, but yes, I need your forgiveness as much as I need to have clean relationships with people who had been in my life, as well as people who have yet to be in it.

I actually cannot imagine leaving this world without your forgiveness.

Thank you, so much.

Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

So I choose to write to the person who caused me a lot of pain instead of the person I hate the most. I no longer hate this particular person, I mean I used to hate this person because of what had happened, but now we've came clean and all is fine. But still, when we talk about pain, we do know that the scar of it stays. So yes, here are some words for this person.

Dear You,

It was so hard back then, not having you near me.

I remember that I used to cry if I can't see you even in one day.

Let alone to let you go for our own good.

But, looking back at those memories, I believe there are reasons why God didn't want us to stay as super best friends.

However, I do wish that your relationship will last forever.

The only thing that I want you to know, I did love you with all my heart back then, I just never thought you'd choose him over me.

And to prove that bastard was wrong, look at me, I'm still single after 5 years.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 11 - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

Dear Atuk,

I miss you so much. She misses you so much.

I miss eating nasik lemak with you, I miss your old sweater, I miss learning English with you, and I miss sitting next to you and talk about life.

Atuk,

Nenek came to visit me in my dreams last few weeks. Why didn't you come, Atuk? She didn't say anything, of course, but she seemed like wanting to give me something.

Atuk,

I really miss it when you always have something to say that's gonna soothe my heart. Because you know the words that I'm looking for. You know which words that can stop my heart and move my brain.

Keep living in my heart, Atuk.

I really hope that you come and visit me sometimes.

I really hope to see you this Ramadhan and Syawal. InsyaAllah

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to

Dear ________ (I don't know which name should I put because there are so many of you) .

The are so many reasons why we know each other but we don't talk as much as we're supposed to. Mainly because I worship you. But others are;

1. I can't even get words out of my mouth because you're so cool, and I adore you. And I don't know how to approach someone that I idolize the most. There are numbers of these people.

2. I don't really know how to debate, because you are knowledgeable, and are full of powerful words, I might have no reply for each of that.

3. I am not that friendly with awesome people. I admit this. I am egoistic, I do want to talk to you, but I won't talk to you. Particularly because I envy you.

I know you won't come to me, but it is much more comfortable for me to stay low, I always go below the line, by not saying anything to you. You won't read this either, but I really hope for you to know, not talking to you doesn't mean that I hate you, I just don't talk much with people I respect. :)

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Summayah Binti Khayyath,

I know that it is beyond probability to meet you here in this life, or even in afterlife.

But I want to have your iman, I want to have your bravery, I want to have your patience, I want to have everything you've had in you. And I want to be as lucky as you were, you had faith that as high as the 7th sky, nobility that rarely possessed by other women, including me.

The loyalty you've had in you, towards God, towards your religion, and towards your family was unbreakable. The loyalty that nothing could have beaten, until your last breath.

I wish I could meet you, for I have only one question to ask,

"How sweet would it taste after every suffering you've faced, as you knew the return for it is Jannah?"

Because that's the feeling I am still searching for.

Al Fatihah.

Your syahid puts you in a place where no one else could replace.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 8 - Your Favorite Internet Friend

Dear My Favorite Internet Friend, Mr Jamy Firdhaus,

It was 2005. It was during my matriculation time. It was thru Myspace.

Since then, you're my favorite internet friend.

Why? Because you're the only friend that I haven't had a face to face conversation even though we've been friends for almost 6 years. I mean I saw you at Rock The World 2007 if I'm not mistaken, but we didn't say hi. We never make any initiative to meet up or something and I don't know why is that happening either.

I don't have the real reason why I love being your friend. But I believe this is another definition of friends. Holding on to a friend you know you're not gonna see him/her but you do realize he/she is worth to hold on to. We're not that close any longer, I don't know about you, but I do enjoy being your friend, and I still want to be your friend.

Whatever it is, you'll remain the most interesting internet friend I've ever had. God bless.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 7 - Your Ex-boyfriend

Dear The Only Mr Ex,

I have nothing left to say to you, for everything you've snatched from me.

The whole world knows how much I hate you.

Godspeed.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 6 - A Stranger

Dear Stranger,

I do admit that I'm a kind of snobbish. I don't smile at you, I don't even show any interest in getting to know you, let alone to be the first one to say hi.

That's who I am. Maybe that's a reason why my friends see that as my bad quality, and straightaway calling me choosy.

I don't have enough argument to rebut their saying, I am choosy, only when I see us being friends doesn't really work in the future. You know, I don't do bimbos and I don't do tools, but who does? The thing is, I only need you to know, it's not that I put requirement or standard for someone to be my friend, it's just I look for someone who can accept me for the way I am. Everyone knows that I'm a bit weird.

I can be a very quiet person, to a very loud person.

I can be a very modest-talking woman, to a very sarcastic woman.

I am a smartass.

And not all can accept that.

So yeah, being paranoid as I am, I don't want to have even a scratch on people's impressions towards myself. I am not a perfectionist but who likes being judged anyway?

And that is my excuse. I know it's lame but it's the truth.

But I do believe in the theory of friends are made from strangers. All of my friends were strangers to me at first, until we said hi. That's when I knew we'll get along very well.

And I hope we'll get along very well, too.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 5 - Your Dreams.

Okay now I don't really have the idea of which dreams I am gonna talk about. Should it be in general, or should I specify which one?

I guess I'll do it in whatever way.

Dear dreams,

I don't think I am going to achieve you whenever soon. It's still a long way to go. Even, I myself am not sure whether I have pictured you clear enough. I mean what should I chase first and what comes after that and so on.

Seeing other people leading their life just exactly how they wanted it to be, scares me to death. I am scared, if we're not gonna meet at all.

But one saying has stopped me from thinking that we're drifting apart. It's from my mom. She said something like this,

"In your life, pace is not really a measurement of how successful you are. Because fate doesn't count how fast you could complete your own life, it counts on how you make it to life."

Brilliant, isn't it?

So, no matter how hard it is to reach to you, just be there, because one day, we're celebrating the joy of me getting to you, together.

Oh, p/s: One of my dreams is to perform umrah with my family, that one, please make it come faster. Next year, perhaps? Please?

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 4 - Your Sibling

Munsawar Hapijis Musmin

Dear Munawar Hafizie Mukmin,

You are one hell awesome brother, we are so closed no one can separate us. We do fight and scream at each other's face, annoy each other whenever we can, but 2 second after that, I will hug you and kiss your cheek and babytalk to you.

That really sounds disgusting, but I don't care.

You'll always repeat the story of how I carried you to the edge of the stairs, when you're few days old and I was 3 years old. You said that I actually tried to kill you. But baby, trust me, your life is like a gold to me. Precious. I'll make sure I'm gonna see you make yourself to it. I'll make sure Ibu and Ayah are gonna see you living this life to the fullest.

You are the awesomest person on earth, I do worship your loyalty to our parents, I do worship your patience towards how irritating I am. Those are the most challenging things that I don't think I can do.

I don't mind not having enough love for myself because I am giving all to you. You are my kid brother, I love you so much, no matter how annoying you are, no matter how bersepah your teeth are, no matter how biadap you are sometimes, calling me Gemok, nonetheless, I love you to bits.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 3 - Your Parents

Dear Ibu and Ayah,

This letter is going to be really short, because no word can describe how grateful I am to be your daughter. You'll always stay be my king and queen.

You two have the greatest love of all, not even Romeo and Juliet can beat your love. I hope I can find someone that at least possesses one of qualities that you both have.

You give me air to breath, food to eat, shelter to keep living, and hope so I still can have a faith in myself. And you share your love with me. That's the important thing, after all. If not, I won't be as big as I am today. Literally and figuratively.

I remember when I was little, I used to be closer to Ayah compared to Ibu. I woke up in the morning looking for Ayah, I waited at the door at lunch time waiting for Ayah, I fell sick whenever Ayah went outstation.

When I grew up, I became more closer to Ibu compared to Ayah. Maybe because we share the same gender, Ibu bought my first bra, and she's the first person I told that I had a crush.

And that's how lucky I am, both of you are so close to me. I can talk almost everything to both of you without being judged.

I couldn't find one single person that can replace you. Ever.

And I pray that we can still be with each other when we're about to reach the heaven.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 2 - Your Crush

Dear Mr Crush,

You are my biggest crush for my entire life. You'll always be.

I was so into you, no one else except you. It was you that I wanted. I saw everything in you, I thought you're perfect, and I believe you still are.

I remember why I wanted you so bad, not so long ago, because I can picture you being my parents' favorite. I was so selfish back then, I know. I want you because of me, not you. But you do have something that I've been searching in men for quite long time.

But I didn't make it. At all. Just like what I've thought, earlier than that.

We had nothing, however. Not even a fling. But from my side, it was enough to make me realize to stop chasing things that I don't deserve. It was also enough to stop me from telling people that I like them, for I thought confessing was the brilliant idea. It wasn't.

I've moved on, nonetheless. It was frustrating at first, but now I really have moved on. It was really bittersweet, knowing I was a little too late, or maybe there's not even a small space in your heart for me, or maybe I was mistakenly falling for the wrong guy. It was between those. But yeah, you'll stay be my biggest crush on earth.

After all, I am fine. There's nothing relieving than to know that you're with someone else, someone better, someone you believe you want to spend the rest of your life with. I hope you're happy, you're fine, my prayer will always be with you.

I really wish you well. Both of you.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa

Day 1 - Your Best Friends

Dear Best Friends,

There are numbers of you, and each of you have your own unique reasons to be the person I worship other than my family. It always started with "I hate your guts to the core", but we ended up being best friends. It's always like that. Not all people can't stand me because of my attitude, but with you, it has become the least priority in our friendship. I thank you for that.

Most of you have been my best friends for the longest time of my life, and I treasure every second of it. You're there whenever I need a shoulder to cry own, you're there to be another wing to support when one of mine is broken, you're there whenever I am not good with my own self.

Some of you and me might have love-hate relationship, but I do believe that is what makes us grow stronger. I might have hurt your feelings, and you might have done the same, but the reason why we're still holding on is because we have faith in each other, and that counts to the bit.

I always pray that we'll remain best friends forever. The oath that you took to be my best friend through thick and thin is something that I won't trade.

I love you all.

Sincerely,

Syafawati Khairunnisa