So, this year.

Never too late to have new resolutions, I suppose.

This year, I'm gonna start paying my PTPTN loan, be it MYR50 per month, I must pay.

This year, I'm so gonna watch my own language as its getting crappier day by day.

This year, I'm gonna bring that shopping bag I got as a gift from A&A Family Day Committees, wherever I go.

This year, I'm gonna smile more that I did last year. To random people, I mean.

This year, I'm gonna start lowering my hijab, appropriately below my chest, because it does make me feel right. And yes, because it is God's demand, of course.

And this year, I'm gonna finish the whole Quran, all 30 juzu', as I am 25 years old this year and I don't wanna die in humiliation towards God.

InsyaAllah.

Bandung, and a hole in my heart.

A view from inside of the angkot, one of public transportations in Bandung,

in the middle of crazy traffic, of course.

And if you can see me in the rear mirror, trying to seduce pakcik angkot.

So yes, this is a post about Bandung.

Too bad I don't have many photos, because we're busy doing some recordings for Sheima's vlog, so I'll just wait for that.

Forget about what we did there during our vacation (you know us girls, Bandung, what else?), I want to talk about the other side of Bandung. I don't really have the correct suitable word for the place. But there's something different about the place. Despite its bad traffic and quite number of populations, I love Bandung because of its weather, the people there, the food (yes, the food!), and the ambiance.

The weather was so good I don't mind living there, its chilly but yet not too cold, even if its sunny.

The people are so nice, ramah-tamah level 16 Zuma.

And the food, the food, ya Allah. I can't stop thinking about their Teh Botol and Es Campur.

But one thing about Bandung, or maybe Indonesia that makes me wonder, is their youth waste.

I'm not saying this in a negative way, but it was sad to see perfect-healthy-probably-smarter-than-I-am teenagers busking at those traffic lights and road junctions. It was also sad seeing kids selling rocks (for the love of God, rocks), newspapers (one kid approached me and said, "Teh, beli korannya teh, buat nambah uang beli buku.") and stuff like that just to get money. They'd do anything to survive the poverty. My heart aches, until now.

Maybe it is due to overpopulation stuff or whatever, but the differences between one caste to another is really obvious we've never seen it anywhere in Malaysia, I swear to God. I feel bad that I sometimes look down on those immigrants, I've failed to remember there's another set of life lower than theirs back in their country, what they do to survive while I, enjoying my life bit to bit without having to worry about money I spend, about time I waste doing nothing and that saddens me to the freaking core.

So yes, that's one thing I won't forget about Bandung. The impact of seeing what I've just wrote above teaches me whole lot, like super I won't ever get it out of my mind. And I appreciate Bandung for that.

I am so gonna go to Bandung, again. In fact, I've bought tickets to Bandung, this April.

This time around, screw shopping, I'm gonna go get another meaning of life.

Nampak tak...

...kegelojohan di situ?

Jantan dan Betina.

I saw someone's status on FB, that goes something like this,

"Bla, bla, (Tagged name), bla bla... Aku carikan kau sorang betina... Bla bla bla..."

There is a relationship between Malay language and Malay culture, and how it leads to acceptance of its understanding among Malays themselves.

Let's go straight to the point.

My point of view, there's a BIG difference in the use of 'Jantan' and 'Betina' in our language.

One, obviously they are used to identify the sex of animals.

Two, yes, they are also used as human's identifier in certain conditions.

Some might disagree with me,

but hell I don't care.

Jantan - Man

Betina - Woman

While 'jantan' symbolizes men as a strong figure, 'betina' somehow carries bad, inappropriate meaning that will influence people's judgement towards the sex itself.

I am not being sexist, but it is common in our culture to know that 'betina' is an inappropriate call name since the time of our ancestors. This is different with the opposite. If you curse men by using the word 'jantan', the impact is never as big as you call a woman 'betina', rule back to our culture where it has shaped the acceptance and understanding towards this.

I mean, come on. Don't simply go and call random woman 'betina', it is not appropriate, especially if you're a man. It is like lowering women status where it is already under yours, obviously.

To be fair, Malay women also call other women with that name, especially when it involved those anger, rage, boyfriend/husband snatching, backstabbing and stuff like that. I have no point to rebut that, but the important thing here is, this call name thingy has to stop. Because it affects the value of politeness, of fudging course. I did use this call name, when I was angry and stuff, but when I saw people using it in normal situation like that FB status above, I realized that its freaking wrong.

So let us stop that. And the inappropriate use of 'jantan' too, if we must.

Please.

But its okay if you wanna name your pet Betina or Jantan, like mine. I wouldn't mind that, because it is appropriate enough.

I do type 'Tsk' too often these days.

I actually think seahorse is more attractive than unicorn, though these two animals have no connection at all, and this sentence make no sense at certain point and why am I still writing, I don't understand myself lately, I need someone to explain to me why people keep saying that I am actually fragile on the inside, they obviously don't know me well. See, I'm making no point here.

February and no improvement.

Well, there are so many wants, they even make me forget about my needs.

Life is hard at the moment.

Why?

Because I've been fighting with myself lately.

I want this, I want that, I want it to be like this, I want that to be like what I want.

And when it failed to turn out like what I want,

I become so frustrated I tend to lose hopes, and even my senses.

I forgot that certain things work their own way, not according to how I want it to be.

Why?

Because mommy looks so happy chilling in her own bubble, she doesn't realize it will pop eventually.

Now I know that reality isn't a bitch, I am the real bitch who is trying to cheat the reality.

I need someone to slap me in the face real hard.

One more chance to fix this. One more.

Tsk, I just remembered that I promised this blog a post about Bandung. Gonna do that, soon.

I actually smirk whenever I smile, no? Tsk.

Photos from Awai's and Nana's FB.

Hi.

Too lazy to write during holidays, what I did was sleeping, eating, non-stop Indonesian channels on Astro as well as online streams, more eating, like that.

So last week I went to Johor Bharu for Awai's wedding, she looked so pretty in her dress I felt like munching her. I spent one day before at Sheima's house so went to the kenduri together.

The good thing is, I got to see my two best friends, Ain and Nana at the kenduri, it was good to sit down as a whole though it was only few hours. I have this instinct that 2012 is gonna be very awesome because Ain is in UKM for her Master, Nana's already working in Ampang, and I'm gonna stay in KL to finish my thesis insyaAllah. Cool, innit?

New semester is right in the corner, got an unpleasant news about my result that is coming out next week. Think I'm definitely gonna flunk a paper or two. And I am shitless scared at the mo.

Told my mom about it, this is what she said,

Me: "Kalau ada fail, adik nak berhenti belajar."

Mom: "Rilek la, baru fail sekali. Selagi tak kena buang..."

Oh yes, I think these two Indonesian movies, Di Bawah Lindungan Kaabah and Hafalan Shalat Delisa are worth watching. Because both have three important elements, God & Religion, Society and where do we stand in between these two.

Now I know being fat is actually not that bad. You become so bold everyone wants to say something about you, be it good things or bad things.